"It's kinda like watching the grass grow, except there's an explosion at the end of it."

This even beats the Peanuts version.
Alternate version
Or if you prefer covered Foo.

Enjoy.

"No training wheels on your ride to homosexuality."

This might be awesome.  I'm not sure.
I've never read Blender, but maybe I should start.  Or I just did.
This is why Conan should be on every TV show.

Enjoy.

"I don't really fuck with Africa because people are starving to death and that's not baller to me."

This is insane.  And gross.
How masculine do you have to be to cut off your penis and still have a penis?

Enjoy.

"I don't think the lack of a shirt invalidates your opinion. In fact, it enhances it."

Who knew Amazon could be so hilarious? (some background)
I think I could be a magician too.  I just choose not to.

Enjoy.

"Ask and ye shall receive, sucka!"

Good
Great

Enjoy.